At first, you’re just innocently watching five minutes of some “ridiculous movie” because nothing else is on TV and then you inevitably become sucked into the cheesy script and bad acting. Honestly, you probably have too if you’ve ever watched a Hallmark movie. Hallmark knows that you want to know how they got from Point A to Point B in 90 minutes. By the end of the movie, they’re getting married. They abhor each other at the beginning of the movie. It’s often a bit too much, but you also marvel at it. I know you didn’t think it was possible, but Hallmark piles “family” on their movies like that weird uncle of yours piles ketchup on his pizza. The Hallmark Channel is all about family. As they get to know each other, they fall madly, deeply, truly in love. I swear, for some reason or another, one of the protagonists needs a fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays and finds them on the internet/runs into them while shopping/knows them through a mutual friend. THIS IS MY FAVORITE ONE! And, based on how many movies have this exact same plot, this is one of Hallmark’s favorite cliché storylines as well. They beef up the story line and add some comedy to the plot. Who else is going to dish out sarcasm and overused punchlines at inopportune moments?Īs much as we love to hate the sassy best friend(s), we know that a Hallmark movie would be nothing without them. This leads to that crazy dash to the airport that I mentioned earlier. There’s typically a turning point where one of the leads is confronted by one of these intelligent, God-like characters and suddenly they realize how stupid they’ve been. While the two leads are completely missing the point that they’re meant to be together, the g’pa/g’ma/mom/dad/etc. I recently watched a Christmas Hallmark movie about a woman going home with a stranger she thought was her fiancé’s brother and finding out that this was not the case. Drop ’em and watch Hallmark instead.Ĭringe-worthy moments are always more pleasant when you’re not experiencing them first-hand. If you haven’t been this bold and embarrassing in public, your love is a sham. Do you really love your significant other if you haven’t utilized planes, trains, and automobiles to reach them before they board a plane headed to the other side of the country? Is it really love if you haven’t ridden bareback on a white horse through a crowded New York street to confess your love? The latter really was an ending to a HCM and it was fantastic. It isn’t love if you haven’t done something ridiculous to declare your love. Protagonist’s mad dash to the airport before his love interest leaves the state/country or some other declaration of love that is pathetic and lovely This is one of the multitude of reasons I feel like I would be a great candidate for future Hallmark movie stardom. These actors are incredibly skilled at crying on cue. Pretty sure the first question the Hallmark Channel casting directors ask auditioning actors is, “Can you cry? A whole damn lot?” Hallmark movies are full of happy crying and sad crying and every type of crying in between. Main characters are always white and Hallmark tries to hide its total whitewashing with a POC supporting character/antagonist. If we’re being honest here, Hallmark Channel movies aren’t even close to being racially diverse. Person of color as supporting character/antagonist It’s not realistic, but you didn’t tune into the Hallmark Channel for reality. Lots of fun banter and sass and cute one-liners. If people were more akin to characters in Hallmark movies, everyone would be quirky as all-get-out. A Family Thanksgiving? A FAMILY HAS THANKSGIVING. Flower Girl? A girl works at a flower shop. Elevator Girl? A girl finds her love interest in an elevator. A Grandpa for Christmas? A family literally gets a grandfather for Christmas. Undercover Bridesmaid? An undercover bridesmaid. Cheesy title that gives entire movie’s premise away in 5 words or less Update, 2022: If you’re looking for some Hallmark Channel Christmas movie recommendations, feel free to check out my Definitive Ranking of the Top 15 Hallmark Christmas movies post.ġ. Whatever the case may be, here’s fifteen things that you most likely will find in every Hallmark Channel movie… ever.įor those of you that follow this blog due to the book review content, pardon the interruption… Perhaps it was a love born out of only having basic cable for most of my life or perhaps I’m a glutton for ridiculously cheesy, sub-par romantic plot lines. If you know me, you are aware of my over-the-top love for Hallmark Channel movies.
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